I thought about this morning how TMH God is always intentional as I also have set this goal very early in my life.
My thoughts shifted to the 6 year old me who suggested to her 1st grade teacher Ms. Colequet that if “you was having a bad day you should have called in sick.” to only get a note sent home for being “disrespectful.” and in my 6 year old mind, I was only suggesting this because of how she caused me to feel on what seemed like a daily basis. She always seemed to pick on me because in her words “I thought I was cute.” so most all my answers or questions seemed to irritate her. As I was intention then, I stated my fact and my thoughts from the weeks before of feeling this way. This particular day, I felt bold for I had enough.
My mother had taught me to speak my truth and not hold what my feelings were. I learned early to ask questions, make suggestions and question why. To my interpretation of “being intentional”. Only to later discover that this may not work for everyone and only to discover even later, that, this was well with my soul.
I remembered going home with the note, knowing it was “bad” because my teacher deliberately ignored me the remaining of that day. I was confident my mother would understand, being she taught me to speak up, ask questions and explore the possibilities of being understood even if I was not heard. In my opinion, this stemmed partly as a result of being her first daughter and “surprise baby.” as she was raising 5 boys older than myself.
It’s funny that some days I still feel like I am an intentional “surprise” in others’ lives and I absolutely love it. (smiling) be it good, bad or indifferent.
As I start the beginning of my born month, embarking on my new year, my thoughts are exciting, thinking about Chapter 46. It feels in some respects that it has been a long road to get here, however, thinking over the last few years. It feels Chapter 46 greeted me entirely too fast and I don’t feel a day over 25, most days. I don’t feel I would change a single thing. The people I have encountered along the way, The losses, The lost, The good bye’s and not “I’ll see you later.” The mistakes, The blessings, The growth, The joys and certainly, the pain continues to produce “Who is Tanya Renae.” for this, I am indeed grateful.
I thought about “Shebringslife” a stage name that was given to me over 15 years ago as a result of what some called my “intentionality” of who TMH God created without my consent, yet my willingness to SPEAK life when I could not see LIFE in my own eyes, in my own thoughts or in my own future, understanding, it was near, yet too far. I could not stop speaking it, during the times I did not believe it. I continued to say what my Father declared in the holy scriptures. My faith told me if he said it, it must be true.
I thought about the times I make myself laugh out loud because I’ve accepted me as I am. All of me. Finally.
Starting this journey out as a 28-week-old, 2 lb., 11-ounce breach baby, fighting with all odds against her. Here I am, embracing all the last 45 years have gave me, fighting with any odd that is against me. Gracefully, that is, being, every bit of…. Intentional…….. bringing Life! 🌿🌵
And as I grow, I’m growing through every stage of growth and development, from the prenatal, adulthood to all the “in be tween’s”……. from the roots, budding, growths, pruning and separating. Reminding myself often, things in me must die and all people won’t grow with me. So, at the stages of separation, I’ve learned to let go, unselfishly, trusting I spread the seeds that I was supposed to and now I must continue to be watered as I grow, gracefully that is.
Until next time,
Forgiveness is Life and Self Love is a Necessity!
– Tanya Renae
SheBringsLife 